Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Wal-Mart and Macho Men

Allow me to preface this entry by saying that I hate Wal-Mart and avoid it at all costs. I only go when I need to. It's not my idea of a pleasant experience, especially after dark.

My good friend Eddie and I hopped in his truck last night and headed to Wal-Mart to buy a kitchen table + chairs set for my place. It was a 5-piece set, conveniently packed into a large box, and a little too heavy for Eddie to get off the shelf. He didn't want me to try to lift it because he was afraid I'd hurt my back, which has been a little touch and go lately. After wandering around and looking for an associate, we finally came across an official looking employee with a walky-talky. His name tag read "Doug." We asked Doug if he could help us get the table into a cart, and he and another guy came back with us.

Now Doug, mind you, seemed like a fairly fit guy. But he's no Vin Diesel.

Doug proceeded to squat down and pull the table off the shelf, balancing the entire box on himself. His coworker came around quickly to help him, but it seemed Doug intended to lift it all by himself. I was standing behind the cart (a regular sized shopping cart, which the box was clearly not going to fit into), watching from what I thought was a safe distance. I was wrong.

The box, of course, slipped away from Doug and landed on the edge of the cart, sending the cart careening toward me. It slammed into my forearm, and I can only imagine that the look on my face resembled something like a deer in the headlights. I was speechless for a few moments, reeling from the initial shock and the pain of the collision.

Here is the conversation that ensued:

"Oh, bugaboo, it got away from me!" Doug said, as he picked the box up and set it on top of the cart. Not, "I'm so sorry!" or "Are you okay?" or even "Are you pressing charges?"

Did that really just happen? What is he thinking? And did he just say bugaboo? Oklahomans are so strange sometimes.

"It's not that heavy, really," Doug said after the box was resting somewhat securely on the cart. "It's just hard to handle."

"So...it's not heavy, it's just awkward?" I said (according to me, that's what everybody says when they're lifting something that really is too heavy for them).

"Yeah, it's not heavy, just awkward," Doug repeated, unaware that I found the statement hilarious. I smiled, turned the cart around, looked at Eddie with wide eyes and a growing smile, and we rolled away with our obnoxiously large box on a small cart.

We burst into laughter once we were a safe distance from Macho Doug and his partner in crime. We were both in a bit of disbelief at what had just happened. I pushed my sleeve up to see a big red mark on my arm. I wondered if it would bruise.

We managed to get the table up the stairs to my apartment. Apparently it was easier to lift with two people than we thought. I take back my "it's not heavy, just awkward" statement. But I retain that Doug still should have had his buddy help him. We started to unpack the box and organize the parts.

Eddie had to leave for a meeting, so I set to work with 30+ pieces of an "easy to assemble" table laid out across my living room. 2 hours and a few four letter words later, I had assembled 1.5 chairs. I think Wal-Mart needs to take some assembly lessons from Ikea.

So here's to you, Wal-Mart, for your messy aisles, screaming children, macho associates and (I'll admit it) decently priced oak table sets.

[FYI, my arm is okay, just a little tender today.]


Blogger tmamone said...

Good ol' Wal-Mart!

2:31 PM  
Blogger cool dad said...

Was Target an option for you? They can get a little pricey, though.

12:33 PM  
Blogger Shawn said...

Um...Wal-Mart will assemble their furniture for you. The ones here will atleast.

12:36 PM  

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