Thursday, May 08, 2008

Taking Root


That is one of the hardest words for me to swallow right now. I get pretty restless sometimes. My first year out of school has had some rather spectacular ups and downs (according to some) and now I find myself in a time of the year where I would usually be on my way to work at the camp for the summer, off doing some internship or taking a road trip. But as I stared at my feet this Sunday and heard Kelly talking about being willing to drop everything and go where God sends us, I heard Him tell me to stay. He knows I'd go. In a heartbeat, given the opportunity and the timing. But He is asking me to stay.


Cultivate friendships. Build my network. Hone my skills. Adopt new ones. Gain more experience in my job field. Pay my bills. Share a room and a house and an office and my songs and my art and my life with others. And in the end, allow myself to take root here in the land of Oklahoma. Even if it means I have to face the pain of pulling up out of the ground and moving elsewhere in a year, two years or somewhere else down the road. If I had it my way right now, I would be traveling, writing, taking pictures and throwing things to the wind for a while. Isn't that what all twentysomethings want at some point? Maybe that never changes, regardless of age, but just tempers down into something we keep inside and hope someday we will realize. It almost seems tragic, but I know there is more to life than this restlessness and more to fulfillment than living a dream.


I had a conversation with my mom the other night about realizing our dreams. She can look back at her life, as mother of three and now a grandma to three as well, and see that laying down some of her dreams has been well worth it in the long run. She and my dad have invested into a family that is strong, beautiful, growing, thriving. Now that all three of us are living away from home (with me being the furthest away), I wonder if things will come full circle for them. I have this idea in my head that all the things she and my dad laid down on our behalf could come back around and happen for them now. But life doesn't always work like this, does it?


I am not sure of the "Why here?" or "Why now?" aspects of my life, but I do know that He is good and He is trustworthy. As puzzled as some people may be at my current location or even my job position, I like to think of it this way: I am not afraid to move somewhere new. It is in me, whether you believe it or not. But part of me needs to learn how to stay somewhere longer than a few months at a time. My whole existence the past few years has been centered around this constant changing and moving and transitioning from semester to semester, summer to summer. Something had to give.

I used to be so afraid of what life would be like an entire year from now. Nowadays, it doesn't seem as scary. Not because things are predictable, by any means, but because I know God better. I know His faithfulness, His stern discipline, His leading, His love and grace more than I did a year ago, a month ago, even a day ago. And I hear Him say it again...


Here I am. Many of my friends are leaving or have already left this town. But then there are the ones that remain...we are caught up together in the mystery of why He has us here. And we will stay until He says to go.

Who knows what adventure will unfold.


Blogger Sean said...

I like this post a lot. I feel what you are saying. I'm always ready to go somewhere and to do something.

1:14 PM  
Blogger Chris Seitz said...

This is a great post. I understand about the wanting to just go and do. I'm doing that right now by living in South Africa. There is a beauty and a tension not knowing what is going to happen come November and my internship is over. When I fly home to see old, familiar faces but myself being someone different for where I've been. What if He calls me to stay there? What if He calls me to stay here? We have to be ready to go or stay when the Spirit leads. Kudos to you for listening. The kingdom needs those who have an ear to listen.

8:47 AM  
Blogger Cassie said...

hi. i like your blog. :)

11:53 AM  
Blogger flindta said...

Oh, how I needed to read the word Stay over and over! After two years in West Africa, I'm terrified of leaving in a month to for America because I know I can't promise that I'll return here. I want to be here! But God has called me back to the familiar unknown, so I go. And I will stay. Thanks for reminding me that it's not such a bad thing. (I'll be in Oklahoma too, and that's not an especially bad place is it? Taco Bueno and Jesus is really all I need.)

3:37 PM  

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