Wednesday, June 18, 2008

It's not about me.

I keep up regularly with my "blogroll folks" and today Los wrote about something today that struck a chord with me. He talked about how sometimes, even if it's rare, we use others to yield a desirable feeling in ourselves. Gratification. Validation. Fulfillment. Even encouragement. He put it in context of being a worship leader, and I found it refreshingly honest coming from a guy who leads a lot of folks in worship at his church in Atlanta.

Most people don't realize just how much time I have spent on stage in my life. This (somewhat) quiet writer/photographer/journalist/shy musician has been on stage more times than she can count. It seems ironic, since I hate being in the spotlight. But at the same time, I'm pretty content to hide behind a keyboard, blend in with the band, add to the sound and support the worship leader. Either that or I'm playing and singing for Jesus in a room with one or two friends/perfect strangers in it during the wee hours of the morning. I have played on worship teams since I was 13, with only a few short seasons where I was not involved at (just attending) a local gathering because of work or school or both.

In light of all that, here is what I wrote in response to his post:

Thank you for this, Los. Lately, I have been playing a lot with our worship team (I play keys/synth) and a lot of times I hear our worship leader, other band members, people from the congregation say things like, “Wow. You did so well!” or “That was beautiful.” For a little bit this past Sunday, I had to stand up there and work it out (internally) that it’s NOT about me. My tight-knit group of friends here has a saying…a mantra, if you will: “Just Jesus. Nothing else.”

I need to remind myself that I’m not trying to be something to them. I’m not trying to be anything, actually. Just an instrument and a willing heart to help others get to the place where they meet with God. And whether or not they connect, it’s between them and God. Not me and them. Ever.

How often we lose sight of this very thing. Not just in church or worship bands, but in our daily lives and interactions with strangers, coworkers, acquaintances and loved ones alike. The solution to all this?

He must increase. We must decrease.